The Right Thing To Say During a Fight

I came across a list that perfectly captures how to fight the right way. In the midst of all of the madness, sometimes a little turn of humor, a little humility, or a little understanding can bring you back into harmony.

Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don't have to solve this--it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted, I'm sorry.
I see you're in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn't thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let's agree to disagree on that.
This isn't just your problem, it's our problem.
I'm feeling unappreciated.
We're getting off the subject.
You've convinced me.
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I'm sorry.
I love you.

Read this list a few times. When you find yourself in a heated discussion, try it out!

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David
Co-Founder of DailyHealth.net

That's a great list!!! I can't even add to it off the top of my head.
Thanks for finding that!

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~~~~Becky

~ ~ ~ "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~ ~ ~ Anais Ain

another path to take is to say 'we are very upset about this, can we talk about it more, when we are both calmer, this is very important, and i don't want to say something in anger that i don't mean'

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kate

Kate, that is great advice. I have this habit of saying "We'll continue this in the morning!" and turning off my end of the conversation. This irritates Elizabeth to no end. But I am a very competitive arguer and I know that continuing the argument will make her even more irritable. So I choose the lesser of two evils. I'm going to practice your phrase over and over in my head so I can at least be more diplomatic.

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David
Co-Founder of DailyHealth.net

David, hubby and i are VERY stubborn, and when we have taken a stance on something that needs to be negotiated, there is no sense to argue any further because we will only upset each other even more.

whatever i do, i do NOT go to sleep angry with the other person, i try to make sure that we have a kiss and hug before going to sleep............. but do NOT try to hug me when i'm pissed off either.......... so it's a fine line.......... i have to calm down first, then i can deal with the situation at hand :-)

the good thing is we both recognize when the other person has 'that stubborn look' and we both end the conversation right away, to be continued at a later time.......... the key being, that we have ALWAYS gone back and discussed the issue that was causing the conflict

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kate

Oh Groan... Curt and I are FIERCE competitive fighters. (Believe it or not this angel has a set of horns ) We can go on for days if we let it. We did a brief trip to marriage counseling and we were diagnosed as a "Competitive Relationship" We would go on and on and by the time we were done we weren't even on the same fight anymore. I hate to admit fault but this is our weak spot. Great advice David!
P.S. The therapist gave us a great suggestion. If you don't like what just came out of the others mouth, before you turn it in to a fight say these simple words, "Can you say that again only different? I'm not sure I understood what you said"
Whew. Those two sentences have saved more Friday nights from be destroyed because one of us got on the defensive.

Besides our dog, Charlie, David is the most stubborn person I know. Fighting with him is sometimes like fighting a brick wall. And he knows how to irritate me to no end. We love each other a lot, and when we fight, theres a lot of passion involved. But it is good to step back and calm down. Perhaps we should print this list out and put it on the fridge?

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--Elizabeth

Co-Founder DailyHealth.net and DiabetesDaily.com

"Passion" That is a good word for it!

You know what simmered down a lot of our arguments? We will go about our mornings (Week days) rather quiet (Neither one of us are morning people) and when we get to work one of us always emails the other with "The List" This includes what we need to get done that night, what will be for dinner, bills we need to pay and so on... That way I am not being "annoyed" while I am getting ready for work... I am not "Pestering him with the details of my dream last night... and we have enough time to wake up before we try and communicate.

I like the idea of a list. :)

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LeAnn

David, if I took time to quote your entire post the next time Anita and I have an argument she would fall asleep half way through it. Hmmmmm! You know, that would put an end to the argument wouldn't it? I might try that. Thanks!!!

Richard

I tell my partner all he needs to say on an argument is yes dear!

LOL I have said many times, "You KNOW I am right! Why do you keep fighting it? Admit Defeat Curt!" He doesn't like that... Pushes the buttons that make him fight back more. I have to admit myself. Sometimes I enjoy fighting with him in my twisted way. I don't feel crazy saying that though because I KNOW there are plenty of people that do the same thing...

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LeAnn